Flying
3 year old Jacob was wearing a Superman T shirt, so i asked him if he could fly.  He said "No".  i told him he could all he had to do was buy an airline ticket.

Zombie Horizons

Zombie Horizons is a new magazine that highlights the Zombie Lifestyle, giving you valuable Insights of Their Culture, Music, and Dance Moves.

Milhouse

i have had a pet fly in my apartment for about a year. It is a good fly and does not land on my meal until after i'm through eating it.
A fly is a very low maintenance pet, you don't have to feed, water it or use the pooper scooper.
The fly is entertaining flying figure 8's around me and once in a while landing on me.

i am worried about my fly, it refuses to eat any of my now healthy meals after i'm through eating them.
About 3 days ago i was worried that my pet fly had followed me to Jen's apt and saw Cal going after a fly with swatter.
i yelled "Don't kill that innocent fly, Cal"
11-29-2018 Am worried about my pet fly Milhouse, i have not seen him in the apt for about a day and a half now. Ever since i named my fly Milhouse about a day and half ago he got mad, didn't like the name. Now afraid Milhouse might have Left The Building, maybe i should change his name to Elvis.
Then he wouldn't be mad at me for naming him Milhouse.
But Luckily i still have my Pet Rock, Sylvester.

Best Soap Opera

With 4 sisters and a wife who loved to watch soap operas, i watched a lot of them.  The best one was where the main character Marco had got shot and killed.  But as it turned out the one that got killed was the previously unknown twin brother  of Marco.  Guess it was between actor contract renewal. So Marco got another season with the Soap Opera.

Chocolates

We i was a kid about a century ago, when our family got a box of chocolates, we would share.
MoM -  DaD - Tes - Marg - Janet - Sandy & me.
I would always take a chocolate, not really know what type it was.  So i would taste it to see if it was one that i really liked.  If it wasn't i would put the half eaten chocalate back in the box for my family to eat.  I Didn't Want To Waste Food.

Powerade

i don't have the power to open a bottle of Powerade.  i have to use a pair of channel locks pliers to open it.

Superman

When i was a kid, i wore a Superman tee shirt and everyone would beat me up.  Guess there was kryptonite everywhere i went.
My Dad was the real Superman was always helping others.

Curling

This sport combines housecleaning, a flat bottom bowling ball with a handle, with an ice rink.  i am practicing sweeping the floor in hopes of making it to Big Time Curling. I have converted my old bowling ball into a curling ball. I've flattened the bottom of the ball, attached a handle and filled the fingerholes. Even if i don't make it to Big Time Curling at least my apartment will be clean.

Steven Wright was Wrong

Or maybe he just Left.

Tes was right.

i used to be worried that someone would steal my stuff, so i bought and installed extra chain door locks, security cams and a security dvr, and a burglar alarm with motion detector and proximity switches .  Then i realized i had nothing worth stealing except my security cams, my security dvr, and my burglar alarm and motion detector.  So i took all that stuff down and locked it up in a room, so nobody could steal them.

Multitasking

There is a relationship between time and space.  i can multi task.  i can occupy space and waste time.

Sounds of Silence

The words of this song are very profound and poetic, but sometimes, i can't hear it.

UBER

PICTURE

Lost My Mind

I believe I lost it somewhere at Walmart.  When I went to the Customer Service Department to report it missing they asked me to describe it.  I said "It was grayish about the size of a naval orange maybe a bit smaller.  They looked and returned and said "No nothing like that was there."
    So  I constantly wander aimlessly in the store trying to find it.
    I did notice that there were a lot of other people who appeared to be looking for their's also.

I Have A Degree

It's 45 degrees
Which means
It's not right
But it's not wrong

Made In the USA ?

Always wonder about stuff like coffee cups that have a sticker on them that says made in USA.  Was only the sticker made in the USA and the cup made some place else?

Fast Food Restaurant

picture originally shared by Bernard Pleasant

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words.

BINGO

The grim reaper was calling out bingo numbers at an old folks home.  He picked a ball out of the rotating canister and read it off "B11".  An old man stood up and yelled "Bingo",
The Grim Reaper pointed his finger at the man and the man instantly dropped dead.  An old lady shouted out "Don't you know it's impolite to point your finger at someone."

Circus Clowns Scare Me

Circus clowns scare me.  They travel in packs of about 10 clowns, always arriving in a small Volkswagen Beetle.  Then they proceed to squirt each other with seltzer water bottles, which quickly escalates to throwing buckets of water at each other.  Then they start throwing buckets of confetti at the audience.  They are litterbugs and the fact they drive around 10 in a small car is also dangerous. 
What is even more scary are the ones that flunked out of Circus Clown College.  There out there in makeup ruining  perfectly good balloons by making animals out of them, wearing over sized shoes and wearing funny costumes and they don't even have a degree.  Some of these flunkouts have become politicians,  who dress up in regular clothes wearing no makeup or big shoes and proceed to make outrageous statements which are never true or funny.                                                                                                                   

Why There Is No Daylight Savings Time in Arizona

It's So Hot in Arizona that we Can't Have Daylight Saving Time.

Mimes

Mimes are always silent
Never really accomplishing anything
Pulling invisible ropes
Pressing invisible glass
Walking against invisible winds
I could be a mime because I never really accomplish anything,
But I don't like being silent, putting on makeup, pulling ropes, pressing glass, or walking against the winds

(Note it is impolite to applaud after the performance of a mime)

GONE - a poem

Somewhere over the rainbow
Where no one dares to go
Out of the ballpark
Invisible in the dark
Faded in the mist
Ceased to Exist
Gone Vanished Gone
Totally Withdrawn
        GONE

The Sky is Falling

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Sky Is Falling

The obtuse became obese
While bank interest on savings disappear
Why save when you can spend
Live for today, forget about tomorrow

The sky's the limit.  But how high is the sky?
Asked chicken little, rhetorically
Don't worry just get another credit card

Not The Place To Be

There are two types of horse racing.   Thoroughbred racing where the jockey rides on top of the horse and Harness racing where the driver sits on a two wheel buggy only a few feet behind the horse, which is definitely not the place to be when the horse breaks wind.

Freedom - a poem

Time relentless and unyielding
Ceaselessly aging all in it's way
Fate steadfast patiently waiting
For all things to come into play
Cards dealt to you are remaining
So call, raise or just walk away

Life in the Slow Lane.

  I am now old enough to appreciate life in the slow lane
  Bumper sticker for my car
" I'm old and driving to my grave so I'm in no hurry"

Obscure Random Thoughts - a poem

Smoke Mirrors Reflections
Reality Buried In Illusions
Sanity Warped By Perceptions
Dimensions Change Conclusions
Till All That Remains Just
Obscure  Random Thoughts

Scotch Whiskey & Caber Tossing

The Scots produce the finest single malted Scotch whiskey..
They have a sport  in Scotland called caber tossing where a man lifts a wooden pole that is over 19 feet tall and weighs about 175 lbs grabs it with his hands standing it upright and then runs and tosses it. 
I think there may be a connection between the consumption of Scotch Whiskey and Caber Tossing.

At the Crossroads - a thought

I asked a  rich man in a limousine "Where I was."
He said "In his way, move"
Asked a guy in a old pickup and he said
"About 7 miles down the road from the beer store."
Asked a preacher and he said
 "About halfway between Heaven and Hell"
Asked a guy with a gps and he told me
 "According to his device I was in the middle of nowhere"

Balance

Earth spinning certifical force should throw us into space
But the earth's gravity force causes us to remain in place
We breathe oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide
Plants breathe carbon dioxide and create oxygen

Everything seems to be balanced

To Blog Or Not To Blog

To blog or not to blog that is the question
Whether it be nobler to remain silient and unwritten
Or to blog and suffer the slings and arrows of those who find your material  objectionable

A wise man once said "It is better to remain silient and be thought a fool than to speak and be known a fool."

I take comfort in knowing I will be the only one reading this and I already know I am a fool.

Enlightenment - a poem

    The veil of darkness surrounds me
    In the far distance appeared a faint light
    Perhaps it would hold the elusive key
    That will unlock the mystery of the night
    I approached the light thinking a Godsent
    Realizing too late that it had turned very bright
    I was blinded by it, too much enlightenment